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Wilderness

30 Nov 2018

Even in the wilderness of parenting, God is still present.

 

O God, You are my God; with deepest longing I will seek you; My soul [my life, my very self] thirsts for You. My flesh longs and sighs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have gazed upon you in the sanctuary, to see your power and your glory. Because your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise you. Psalm 63:1-3

 

Your lovingkindness is better than life. 

 

My soul, my very self thirsts for you.

 

God, my lips shall forever praise you.

 

The other day I had a fairly challenging day as “Mum”. Actually, to be totally honest, the last couple months have been particularly challenging. We do have a lot going on and really, moving back to Canada has taken a toll on the kiddos pretty hard, harder than we expected. We are also at the ripe age with our girls where they discover they have a voice with real and deep emotions and there have been many moments this week where they just have let it all out, holding nothing back. Ugh. I know all my fellow mamas out there are knowing just what I am talking about. I see you Mamas. But this particular day was a day that I needed Jesus more than ever, I couldn’t parent today without Him. My soul was tired, weary, defeated. Those little people suck the life out of us sometimes. This whole month I have felt the Lord put the word wilderness on my heart. Parenting feels most like being in the wilderness. You don’t always know what you’re going to get or see. You precede with caution but ready for whatever jumps out at you. You might get hurt, but you also are in complete awe of the beauty of God creations surrounding you. Parenting is beautiful, it’s messy, it’s hard, it’s joyous, it’s such a blessing and a privilege. It is wild and is truly the greatest gift! Parenting is somehow able to make your heart full but also ache at the same time. You love these little beings so much and you’d do anything for them and sometimes it hurts. Jesus I get you! We can learn so much about Jesus by being a parent! I am so blessed that I have strong girls, willing to put up a fight and stand their ground, but some days I wonder why they have to be strong and fight and stand their ground with us...about putting snowpants on, I'm just saying…hahaha. I just think of it as getting them prepared and ready for the big things God is going to use them for. Let me tell you, they are gonna go places!

 

Whilst Chris was outside with the older two to play and I had a few moments of peace, I was holding my youngest daughter Lillian when I felt the Holy Spirit ask me to pray over our family. It was an interesting moment because usually when I sing Lillian will hum along with me and do a little dance, but when I started praying she also started humming along to my praying and let me tell you, her humming felt very anointed. It gave me the urge to pray louder and harder and not just a small prayer. I knew the Lord wanted me to pray deeper. I said to God that I was feeling desperate to have him near. I broke off heaviness and chains of oppression over our family and spoke life and joy and healing. I prayed protection and I rebuked whatever has been pressing against us. I prayed over our home and even our house we are about to move into next week. I prayed for health and safety. I asked for wisdom and to be the examples our kids need. I asked God to intervene in our parenting, to be present with us. I pleaded. I spoke out that these children are His and they are our gift. The moment I prayed and told God that I need Him today and every day, suddenly Lillian just grabbed my shoulders and pulled me in for a hug. I deep loving hug. I know in that moment that was Jesus. I immediately felt peace (another word that the Lord has put on my heart). It was as if she embodied Jesus and He hugged me in the moment I need him to. A hug that let me know I am loved and He is proud, but also a hug saying thank you. It's amazing the weight that lifts off when we release our heaviness to the Lord. 

Guys our children are amazing. Yep they are mighty and crazy and wonderful, and all sorts of goodness but friends, our children minister to us way more than we ever give them credit for. And knowing this I understand even more why it’s so important to pray over our famillies, I mean, I have always done this before but that day it hit me differently. These are seeds that our children will carry their whole lives.  

Later that night, things were different. At bedtime, the girls had their usual bedtime routine and didn't fight about it (happy dance). I read them a bible story about John baptizing Jesus. Then we talked about their behaviour that day and how they can make it better and when we prayed they each asked Jesus to forgive them and to help them make better choices!!!! Friends...I lost it...I cried like a baby. It is in those moments that make the biggest impact on them, that made a big impact on me. I grabbed them and hugged them and told them how much we love them. And today went a lot better and more smooth. Thank you Jesus, that was my pocket of fresh air that I needed lately!

 

So even in our crazy parenting wilderness we may find ourselves in, may you hold on to the hope that He is with you. I want to encourage you that if are in a place where you feel like the Lord is silent or not present, I assure you He is with you. He will speak and connect to you in ways that we may not expect. Our God is the same God of miracles bringing signs and wonders even in to today, those signs and wonders are not just for the past! So believe and trust and see and hear, even if it’s in a hug through your child, or a bible verse, or a phone call, or a song…whatever way it is, just know that the Lord loves you, He knows your situations, and He is with you walking it with you, you just need to be willing to let Him lead.

 

PSALMS 78:72 So he shepherded them according to the integrity of his heart, And guided them with his skillful hands.
 

Thanks for reading,

 

Bethany

 

 

 

 

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