Over the last several months I have felt that God has been trying to teach me about trust. It has come up many times. I have seen it being taught and mentioned everywhere. I felt it. I know God has been trying to get my attention. But it is so much easier to say with our mouths that we trust something or someone than to also physically, spiritually, emotionally trust whole heartedly, where we choose to let go of that control.
Our pastor shared some great words this Sunday that we tend to supplement God. We can easily live a “one foot in and one foot out” kind of trust when living. We live in a time where there is so much out of our control and a prevailing ‘everybody fends for themselves’ type of thought where we tend to keep people at arm’s length. When instead of this God wants us to bring people in. We live a life knowing God, believing he has great things and we are expectant and excited for what He has in store for our futures but we still feel like we need to hold on to something that we know we can control. However, when we choose to fully serve and trust in the Lord He’s not expecting we do that when we feel like it or when the time is right for us. He’s expecting our trust in Him with every single thing. Every single thought, every single day.
That being said, three years ago when we were given the opportunity to move to Scotland we knew right away it was something special. I didn’t understand why but I knew we needed to give up all our control and let God be God and do His thing for us. There, of course was some hesitance but once we just gave in things just happened and worked out; not in ways we thought but it happened, we got here, and it wasn’t always easy. The way in which circumstances did happen was only because of God and that was very clear to us.
The last three years have changed us remarkably. We are not who we were when we first arrived. We are always evolving. To become the better version of who we once were but solely in the image of how God created us and intends for us to become. Yet, and again, that has not always been easy. There were times we wanted to run away and not deal with issues past and present, but we knew that God was asking us to give up those controls to Him and let Him work. To Face our demons – so to speak. But it saved us, it changed us, it made us stronger as individuals, as a married couple and as parents.
As we change and evolve so do our surroundings. For me, I knew something was changing for us when a year ago we found out that we were expecting our third baby. A month before that we had the conversation that we would wait until Chris was done his doctorate before adding another child and than God decided that He had other plans instead: go figure! With all that, our conversations revolved around our control on things, and our plans, what we wanted, and when we wanted it. But God quickly slipped that rug from beneath us. I feel like literally from that moment I saw that positive pregnancy test everything seemed to have been out of my control but I kept trying to keep some anyway and that’s why (in my last post) I talked about how 2017 was "one for the books". It was a hard year and now I see that was because I was trying to keep control on things that God was asking me to let go of and trust what He was doing.
So, we kept living our life only giving God half the control, being parents, being students, living our day to day life. Life didn’t really just go on, but there were shifts and changes happening. Ultimately God comes first, but so does our family. We have come to the point now where even though we have tried everything within our control to make it work, we are actually moving back to Canada. Now please don’t get me wrong, this is not us running away. If we could stay here in the UK we would in a heartbeat. We did not make this decision lightly but raising a family in the UK where there are residency restrictions forced a choice now before we just can’t make it work. Thankfully, Chris will finish writing his thesis in Canada while we endeavour into other things as well. We both agree and feel like we aren’t done with the UK and feel confident that one day we will be back.
I was saying to my husband the other day that it’s not like we have failed; because we haven’t. In the end Chris still gets his doctorate and we still have a God who was and is constantly working through us. We have not failed, but God has put in a pause. We don’t know why but all we can do at this point is trust that He knows what He is doing with us and is only prepping us for the next adventure because He is the one in control. Jesus, thy will be done!
On June eleventh, we leave this beautiful country. This land that we have called home. The land that we have raised our children. We have made friends and family here and have felt more “us” than we ever have. We don’t know why it happened this way but we are hopeful it’s also not the end either. This is the land that He has been showing us and we’ve fallen in love with this beautiful, quirky country. So, we ask that you also pray for us, for guidance and for trust. If I’ve learned anything throughout this time here it’s that when we go through a period of reflection, and we can’t always see clearly, everything will become clear later on when we have that “ah ha!” moment and finally 'get it.' What I do know is that our “ah ha!” moment will come but sometimes we need to be physically pushed out of the way in order to see it.
We are very thankful for this adventure and what an adventure it has been and will continue to be. We are thankful for the friendships we have near and far, for the thoughts and prayers people say for us. The Kingdom of God is certainly so special and it’s an honour serving all over the world.
To where it all began for us, Genesis 12:1 The Lord said: “Leave your country, your family, and your relatives and go to the land that I will show.”
Our next adventure awaits!
Thanks for reading,