PATIENCE is a noun meaning The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.
WORRY (as) a noun meaning A state of anxiety and uncertainty or actual or potential problems
Have patience, they say. Don't worry, they say.
If you know me at all, you know that waiting...with patience is no easy task for me. Over this last six months, especially the last few weeks, it has been nothing but waiting, and waiting on timing of others and businesses around us for the whole purpose of moving overseas. So, I have come a long way. That doesn't mean its any easier or that I don't get frustrated at times. I just manage it better.
If I have learned anything it has literally been to trust the instinct of God and His timing - not mine. It's almost like a puzzle. It doesn't always make sense in the moment but when all the pieces fall together it creates something beautiful and then it just clicks, it just makes sense, it all just fits perfectly together. You look back at it all and realize how that piece only fits there for this very purpose. Does that make sense?
Leading up to and preparing our applications for visas and immigration and thousands of dollars later to basically just ask the UK government for permission to live there has been the most stress we've encountered thus far. My husband and I would go back and forth passing on frustration vibes and then later apologizing for being in a bad mood frequently for the last month or so.
I whole heartedly believe that if you are going to make the choice to live in another country either do it while you are single or you better FULLY accept and commit to the process if you have a family because the ride along is REALLY BUMPY! And I say that with a huge smile on my face. The fact that we even have this opportuity for our family to experience living in another country is a huge blessing. Its wild, its crazy, but I've never once doubted this choice, not even for a second. God has been directing and orchestrating this for so long that its indirectly been easy but totally hard all at once. It sounds insane and it really is but we wouldn't have it any other way. If it means that we are doing what God wants us to do and go where He wants us to go then we will continue to follow Him.
As we wait for our time to go, God has been reminding me and giving me extra time to actually process this great adventure. Sure, I get it. We are moving. But I will be honest, I havent actualy dealt with it yet. I have cried a few times from beautiful surprises from our amazing friends wishing us well and then of course managing our stress level has had me out in tears a few times now. But again, if you know me, you know that I'm a crier. I am sensitive, I just cry from being happy, being sad, frustrated, watching movies, a baby or mommy commercial, times of celebration...I CRY A LOT but a healthy cry! haha! However, I keep pushing the fact aside when we leave, we are leaving our families, our friends, our church and the family they are to us. We are letting go of our current house that we gave birth to both or babies IN (yes, I had two homebirths.) We will have no one except us and the confirmation of this season in our hearts and God guiding us along the sidelines as we go. We will be starting over, I've never experienced this kind of "start-over". It's certainly not a bad start-over but it's scary one. I am scared. Like really scared. I'm scared of being and feeling lonely, I'm scared of feeling trapped or iscolated. I know it will be a challenge but God is the one leading us there for His purpose, we can only grow from these challanges if we allow it. Right?
Now that we have determined the fear and anxiety I feel in this crazy adventure, its time I replace that with purpose, determination, expectancy, excitement, drive, joy. I don't know at all what is on the otherside of the world for us, but what an honour to say that I am going there and get to find out.
Sometimes patience feels like suffering, when really, patience is gaining greatness.
We may not understand the "why's" as to all the delays we have been experiencing with in this process but we need to trust God with it. He's got His plan, we just need to accept how He makes it happen. But now we don't have to worry about the "how's" and "what if's".
Hebrew 10:35-36 (AMP) BE BRAVE! Do not, therefore, fling away your [fearless] confidence, for it has a glorious and great reward. For you have need of patient endurance [to bear up under difficult circumstances without compromising], so that when you have carried out the will of God, you may receive and enjoy to the full what is promised.
God's plan is unfolding itself and daily we get snippets of it. We are still excited. We tried to imagine if we changed our minds and stayed in Canada and just bought our dream home instead but both of us felt a sudden emptiness to that thought. We instantly realized what we'd be missing.
We are gaining trust, and patience and defeating this fear and worry because we are giving it to God.
Just a couple more weeks until we are Scotland bound!
Thanks for reading along!